


Harry Potter characters react to AVPM

by Ill_have_that_drink_now



Category: A Very Potter Musical Series - Team StarKid, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Neglect, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Horcruxes, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Parody, Reaction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:07:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21884245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ill_have_that_drink_now/pseuds/Ill_have_that_drink_now
Summary: At the beginning of Order of Phoenix the Golden Trio, Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Voldemort and Albus Dumbledore are transported to a large sitting room. A strange person stood in its' centre.Should have added a disclaimer so here: I do not own the Harry Potter franchise nor the lyrics or the script of the musical, these belong to JK Rowling and Starkid respectively.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore & Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy & Severus Snape, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley
Comments: 12
Kudos: 67





	1. Prologue

Harry, Ron and Hermione land in a middle of the room after being transported by a bright light. The walls are painted a charcoal grey, a flat screen TV on one side of the room, two jade lawsons and a few jade armchairs. As the trio admire the room three more flashes transported the last remaining guests. Severus Snape gets up from his position on the floor and scowled, dusting off nonexistent dust. Dumbledore merely pops a sherbet lemon into his mouth before taking one of the armchairs. Draco Malfoy remains stood with all the grace an aristocratic pureblood. Voldemort follows in an undignified heap on the floor. 

All eyes turn to the door as it bangs open to allow a well dressed man to walk through the door. The, what appeared to be, 17 year old has short dark brown hair, blue eyes and is quite small. "So hello, I'm glad that that worked out. I'm sure you all have questions." He says to the group nervously.

"Yes," Snape sneers. "Why are we here? I was working on a delicate potion that I would rather like to be finished with." 

"I sure hope that it is the one I asked for you to work on, Severus." All heads turn to face the voice that spoke. The Golden Trio are all shocked.

"What is HE doing here?" Harry shouted as he pointed at the grotesque figure of Voldemort.

"If you please calm down, I'll be able to explain." The stranger says kindly before turning to Severus, "Now, you don't have to worry about your potion Serverus Snape, your time has been frozen. I am Arthur and I am from a different universe. Now, in my universe the story of Harry Potter has been transcribed into seven books and eight films. Each covers Harry's years at Hogwarts. However, that is not what I wanted to show you today. I'm thinking of something a little more fun. We are going to watch a musical. This musical is made by a theatre group called Starkid. And is a piece of fan work based on Harry's life but is definitely more fun than watching eight two hour long films."

"Wait, I'm a fictional character in your world?" Harry asks.

"Well... yes, you are. Magic isn't actually thing in my world though how I wish it was. What I used to transport you all here was not magic but science. Then again, magic is just science that nobody understands yet. Voldy over there is here because he is in this musical from almost the first scene. As are the rest of you. You are all main characters in this musical and I may invite others for the other two musicals that follow after this one. But who knows. Anyhow, why don't you all take a seat and we can get this party started?" Arthur explains. 


	2. Act 1, Scene 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, people. Thank you for those 20 something people who read my first chapter, I hope you subscribed to it. Anywho, I'm hoping to post weekly. Unlike my other works, I intend to finish this. So please be patient if I don't get this next chapter out. Anyway, I'll let you enjoy it!

"Now, this is going to be Act 1, Scene 1. Anyways, this was performed in 2009, the not so distant future. What we are watching it on, for you pure blooded folk, is a TV or television, this works the same as your portraits but can't answer any questions." Arthur states before turning on the TV and pressing play.

_A man appeared on the stage, sitting on a trunk, fidgeting. He was dressed as a Gryffindor and was wearing a pair of round glasses._

"Is that supposed to be me?" Harry asks.

"Of course, it is. This actor does seem rather arrogant." Snape replies.

_Harry (singing): Underneath these stairs I hear the sneers and feel the glares of my cousin, my uncle, and my aunt. Can't believe how cruel they are and it stings my lightning scar to know they'll never ever give me what I want._

"What does that mean? You don't live under stairs, do you?" Malfoy asks, nobody answers him.

_I know I don't deserve these stupid rules made by the Dursleys here on Privet Drive. Can't take all of these Muggles but despite all of my struggles, I'm still alive…_

"That's a bit melodramatic, don't you think, Harry?" Hermione states.

"Um, not really?" Harry shrugs, "I've almost died like four years in a row Hermione. Like first year I killed Quirrel and almost died, second I almost died from basilisk venom, third I almost got Kissed, and then last year too... So, no. I don't think that's melodramatic, it's realistic." Harry finishes before looking back at the musical. 

Draco and Severus both have a curious expression on their face. Basilisk venom? Most importantly, Potter doesn't like his muggle relatives?

 _I'm sick of summer and this waiting around. Man, it's September and I'm skipping this town. Hey, it's no mystery, there's nothing here for me now…I gotta get back to Hogwarts!_ _I gotta get back to school. I gotta get myself to Hogwarts, where everybody knows I'm cool._

"Oh, this person is definitely you Potter." Malfoy says. 

_Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts, it's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think I'm going back. I'll see my friends, gonna laugh 'til we cry; take my Firebolt, gonna take to the sky. No way this year anyone's gonna die and it's gonna be totally awesome!_

Arthur snorts. "Foreshadowing." He says over coughs when everybody turns to look at him.

 _I'll cast some spells with a flick of my wand. Defeat the Dark Arts, yeah, bring it on!_ _And do it all with my best friend Ron 'cause together we're totally awesome…_

"I just want a normal year; no murderous DADA teacher." Harry mutters.

_Ron: Yeah and it's gonna be totally awesome!_

"Wait! Is that supposed to be me?" Ron splutters.

_Ron (spoken): Did somebody say Ron Weasley? Woo! What's up buddy?_

"Oh god, it is me." Ron groans. Draco smirks.

_Harry: Hey!_

_Ron: Hey, sorry it took me so long to get here I had…to go get…some…Floo Powder but, uh, we gotta get going c'mon, get your trunk, let's go._

_Harry: Where are we going?_

_Ron: To Diagon Alley, of course!_

_Harry: Cool!_

_Ron: Come on!_

_Ron and Harry (running around, flapping their arms): Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power, Floo Powder Power!_

Everybody apart from Voldemort, who scowled, laughed. "Oh my god, that's definitely one of the finer moments." Arthur wheezes.

_Ron (singing): It's been so long…_

_Both: …but we're going back!_

_Ron: Don't go for work, don't go there for class!_

_Harry: As long as we're together…_

_Ron: …gonna kick some ass…_

_Both: …and it's going to be totally awesome! This year we'll take everybody by storm, stay up all night, sneak out of our dorm!_

"Now boys, don't wander about the castle at night, you never know what could be lurking in the corridors." Dumbledore says, eyes twinkling, as he pops a sherbet lemon in his mouth.

_Hermione: But let's not forget that we need to perform well in class if we want to pass our OWLs!_

Hermione stares at the girl on stage. "Is that me?" She asks.

_Ron (spoken): God Hermione, why do you have to be such a buzz kill?_

"Well that answers that question."

_Hermione: Because guys, school's not all about having fun. We need to study hard if we want to be good witches and wizards. (singing) I may by frumpy but I'm super smart. Check out my grades, there A's for a start._

"The one thing I don't really like is the fact that they're American and don't really stick the actual books. I mean it is a parody but like, come on." Arthur sulks

_What I lack in looks, well, I make up in heart and well guys, yeah that's totally awesome! This year I plan to study a lot._

_Ron: That would be cool if you were actually hot._

Malfoy smirks.

_Harry: Hey Ron, c'mon, we're the only friends that she's got…_

_Ron: …and that's cool…_

_Hermione: …and that's totally awesome!_

_All Three: Yeah, it's so cool and it's totally awesome! We're sick of summer and this waiting around. It's like we're sitting in the lost and found. Don't take no sorcery, for anyone to see how…We gotta get back to Hogwarts! We gotta get back to school. Gotta get back to Hogwarts, where everything is magi-cool._

_Whole Cast: Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and some magical feasts. It's that all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts! Hogwarts, I think we're going back._

"Alright, so what do you guys think?" Arthur asks as he pressed pause on the next video.

"It was atrocious, when can we go?" Asks Voldemort.

"Well, after this musical for you Voldy, of course. You're not relevant enough in the second one. You are though in the third one." Arthur states.

"What year is it set in?" Hermione asks.

"Well it's kind of like a mix? This includes information and characters from your first, fourth, sixth and seventh year. But technically? The age that the actors are supposed to be playing is twelve." Arthur said.

"Can we please get on with this?" Snape asks, snarling.

"Yep." Arthur replies.


	3. Act 1, Scene 2

_A redhead runs across the stage wearing the Gryffindor uniform._

"I should've remembered about her. Since you all are here because you are major parts of this musical, I'm going to bring her too. Hold on." Arthur announces as he presses pause on the video before walking out of the sitting room. 

As Arthur leaves the room, the Golden Trio start to whisper to eachother. 

"You lived under stairs?" Hermione asks.

"Well, yeah. It was where I lived until I was eleven. My hogwarts letter was addressed to it. " Harry responds.

"I was not aware of this. Harry, what did your letter say?" Dumbledore asks causing the Golden Trio to look at the elder.

"Mr H. Potter, The Cupboard under the Stairs. And you obviously know my address, sir. I thought you knew this because you made me go back to the Dursleys year after year." Harry says, looking inquisitively at the Headmaster. 

"I can assure you, the letters are written by a charmed quill and then sent off in packs with the owls." Dumbledore replies thoughtfully.

"Does that mean that I won't be going back to the Dursleys next summer?" Harry asks.

"We will have to speak about it when we get back to our world, child." 

A white light shone in the middle of the room as Arthur started walking back into the room. 

"Okay, wow that is bright." Arthur said while covering his eyes. "Some calibrations need to be done with that."

The person standing in the middle of the room is Ginny wearing a grey sweater and red pants. 

"Um? Can anybody tell me what's going on?" She asks when she recognised her brother and everybody else. 

Arthur walks over to the confused redhead and says, "Hello, I'm Arthur. We're watching a musical series about Harry. And I kinda forgot that you were a major part of this musical so sorry about that." 

"Um, okay." Ginny says as she goes to sit down next to Severus and Draco. Arthur then presses play.

_Ginny: Ron!_

_You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkin's and use those sickles Mom gave you for my robe fittings!_

_Harry: Uh, who's this?_

_Ron: Uh, this is stupid, little, dumb sister Ginny._

_She's a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry._

"That's me!" Ginny screeches, shocked, as everybody else laughed.

_Harry: Hey._

_Ron: Harry Potter. This is Harry Potter._

_Ginny: You're Harry Potter. You're the Boy-Who-Lived._

_Harry: Yeah, you're Ginny._

_Ginny: Oh, it's Ginevra._

Ginny looks pissed at the use of her full name _._

_Harry: Cool, Ginny's fine._

_Ron: Stupid sister, -claps-_

"What the hell was that supposed to be?" Draco asks. 

"I think it was supposed to be a slap? Like how people do stage fights but done like really poorly?" Ron replies.

_Ginny: Aah!_

_Ron: Don't crowd the famous friend. -laughs-_

_Hermione: Do you guys here music or something?_

_Harry: Music? What are you talking about?_

_Ron: Yeah, someone's coming._

_Harry: Someone's coming._

_Cho, Pansy, Lavender (singing): Cho Chang! Domo arigato, Cho Chang! Gung hay fat, Choy Chang! Happy, Happy New Year, Cho Chang!_

_Ginny: Oh, who's that?_

_Harry: That's Cho Chang._

_Ron: That's the girl that Harry's totally been in love with since freshman year._

"She's not. I may have had a thing for her in fourth year but that's it." Harry rushes out flustered. Everybody shares a smirk at the fifteen year old's expense.

_Hermione: Yeah, but he won't say anything to her._

_Ron: Well, yeah, you never tell a girl that you like her; it makes you look like an idiot._

_Ginny: Konichiwa Cho Chang, it is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley._

_Lavender: Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang!_

Everybody laughs.

_Ron: That's Lavander Brown! –claps- racist sister!_

_Cho: Hey, it's all right! I'm Cho Chang y'all._

"Cho isn't Southern, she's Scottish." Harry states.

_Harry: She is totally perfect._

_Ron: Yeah, too bad she's dating Cedric Diggory though, huh?_

Everybody, apart from Moldyshorts, bowed their heads in respect to the fallen teen. 

_Harry: What? Who the hell is Cedric Diggory? What is that, who is that guy?_

_Cedric (singing): Cho Chang, I am so in love with Cho Chang! From Bangkok to Ding Dang, I'll sing my love aloud for Cho Chang!_

"Is that necessary? Cedric wasn't like that at all." Harry complains.

_Harry: I hate that guy. I hate him._

"And I don't hate Cedric."

_Ron: So, are we gonna go get those robes or not?_

_Ginny: Okay, alright, I'm going!_

_Ron: God sister! (The four exit; Neville enters and bumps into Crabbe and Goyle)_

_Neville: -gasps-_

_Goyle: Present your arm, nerd! Indian Burn Hex!_

_Neville: Aah!_

Draco snorts as he looks at Neville. ' _He really is just a snivelling fool.'_

_Ron: Oh, Crabbe and Goyle._

_Ginny: Are you okay?_

_Harry: Hey, why don't you leave Neville Longbottom alone, huh?_

_Goyle: Well, well, well, if it isn't Harry Potter? You think all because you're famous, you can boss everyone around!_

_Harry: No, I just don't think it's cool for guys of your size to be picking on guys like Neville. Come on…_

_Goyle: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! -breaks Harry's glasses- We hate nerds…_

_Crabbe: And girls!_

_Ron: Well, you asked for it. You don't mess with Harry Potter; he beat the Dark Lord when he was a baby._

"That was really great. Thank you for that support Ron." Harry says sarcastically.

_Hermione: Alright, everyone just calm down. Occulus Reparo!_

_Harry: Whoa, cool!_

_Hermione: Okay, now let's leave these big baby childish jerks alone._

_A small female walks onto stage wearing a platinum blonde wig and slytherin robes._

_Draco: Did someone say Draco Malfoy?_

Everybody lets out a short bark of laughter, even Voldemort.

"I'm a GIRL!" Draco screeches. 

"Yay, Lauren Lopez!" Arthur exclaims as he claps his hands.

"Malfoy's a girl!" The Gryffindors laughs.

Eventually the laughter and shock died out.

"Lauren Lopez is a goddess. This has to be the best version of Draco Malfoy since the books. Draco Malfoy is supposed to be a British twat, who is snobby and petty but also has that good streak in him when he needs to. It just makes me love his character development all the more." Arthur gushes.

_Harry: What do you want Draco?_

_Draco: Crabbe, Goyle, be a pair of purple doves and go pay for my robes, will you? So, Potter, back for another year at Hogwarts, are you? Maybe this year you'll wise up and hang out with a higher caliber wizard._

_Harry: Hey, listen Malfoy; Ron and Hermione are my best friends in the whole world. I wouldn't trade them for anything._

Harry found himself nodding in approval. At least that bit was true.

_Draco: Have it your way. Wait! Don't tell me: red hair, hand-me-down clothes and a stupid complexion. You must be a Weasley._

_Ron: Oh my God, lay off Malfoy! She may be a pain in the ass, okay, but she's my pain in the ass._

"Really feeling the love here Ronald." Ginny moans.

_Draco: Well isn't this cute? It's like a little loser family. Hogwarts has really gone to the dogs. Luckily next year, I'll be transferred to Pigfarts._

"Now that just sounds stupid." Draco groans.

"So that means Pigfarts is perfect for you." Harry says sarcastically.

_(singing) This year you'll bet, gonna get out of here. The reign of Malfoy is drawing near. I'll have the greatest wizard career, it's gonna be totally awesome! Look out world for the dawn of the day, when everyone will do whatever I say! And Potter won't be in my way and then I'll be the one who is totally awesome._

_Goyle: Yeah, you'll be the one who is totally awesome!_

_CHOO CHOO_

_Hermione: Guys, c'mon, we're gonna miss the train!_

_Whole Cast (singing): Who knows how fast this year's gonna go? Hand me a glass, let the Butterbeer flow…_

"Does anybody want some Butterbeer?" Arthur asks and got six confirmations. Arthur walks out the room once more and returns with a case of Butterbeers. "Just grab one."

Each person, the Golden Trio, Ginny, Draco and albus, grabs a Butterbeer before starting the musical again.

_Harry (spoken): Maybe at last, I'll talk to Cho!_

_Ron: Oh no, that'd be way too awesome!_

_Whole Cast (singing): We're back to learn everything that we can. It's great to come back to where we began and here we are and ALAKAZAM!_ _Here we go, this is totally awesome! Come on and teach us everything you know. The summer's over and we're itchin' to go._

_Neville: I think we're ready for, Albus Dumbledore!_

_Cast: Aaah, aaah!_

_A man dressed in shorts, purple robe, sandles and pointy hat walks on the stage holding flowers that he throws out into the crowd._

_Dumbledore: Welcome!_

Everybody lets out a round of raucous laughter at the ridiculous portrayal of the Headmaster. Everybody turns to look at the real Dumbledore only to see him wiping a stray tear from his eye. 

"Well, he certainly knows how to dress appropriately." Is all the Headmaster said.

_All of you to Hogwarts! I welcome all you to school. Did you know that here at Hogwarts, we've got a hidden swimming pool?_

"Do we?" Ron asks.

"No, we don't Mr Weasley." Dumbledore replies.

"Can we get one?" The children beg.

Dumbledore just twinkled.

_Welcome, welcome, welcome Hogwarts! Welcome hotties, nerds, and tools! Now that I've got you here at Hogwarts, (spoken) I'd like to go over just a couple of rules. My name is Albus Dumbledore and I am Headmaster of Hogwarts. You can all call me Dumbledore…suppose you could also call me Albus if you want a detention. I'm just kidding, I'll expel you if you call me Albus._

_Whole Cast (singing): Back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts. It's all that I love and it's all that I need at Hogwarts, Hogwarts! Back to spells and enchantments, potions and friends, to…_

_Gryffindors: Gryffindor!_

The 4 Gryffindor children yells in sync with those on screen.

_Hufflepuffs: Hufflepuff!_

_Ravenclaws: Ravenclaw!_

_Slytherins: Slytherin!_

Both Arthur and Draco yells Slytherin. Confused Draco looks at Arthur.

"What? Slytherins don't get enough credit. Just because some of the students in the past were crazy doesn't mean that the entire house is. No Slytherin is entirely evil except for well Voldywarts over there." Arthur replies to Draco's inquisitive look. Voldemort just glares at Arthur and silently plans out a way to kill him.

_Whole Cast: Back to the place where our story begins at Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_

_Dumbledore: I'm sorry, what ch'you say?_

_Whole Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_

_Dumbledore: I didn't hear you kids!_

_Whole Cast: Hogwarts! Hogwarts!_

_Harry: Man, I'm glad I'm back!_

"Hell yeah I am." Harry agreed. 

"Whose ready for the next video?" Arthur asks who recievez nods of approval before pressing play.


	4. Act 1, Scene 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cw: Discussion on horcruxes (passing mentions of cannibalism and necrophilia)

_Dumbledore: Yes, Yes, welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts and a very special welcome to my favorite student, Mr. Harry Potter._

_Ron: Woo! Woo!_

"Merlin, I'm such an idiot." Ron mumbled.

_Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby; he's even got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it._

Harry laughed nervously and sank into the seat much to the confusion of Severus and Draco.

_Dumbledore: And another very special welcome to our newest edition to Gryffindor, Mr. Ginny-excuse me, Ms. Ginny Weasley._

_Ron: Boo, boo._

"Thanks for the love Ron." Ginny said.

_Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl and, um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?_

_Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference aren't going to be back until next year._

"Is that actually a thing?" Hermione asked.

"No, it isn't Ms Granger." Dumbledore answered.

"Oh, but it'd make it so much easier." Draco muttered causing Harry to look at him weirdly, not like Draco noticed.

_Basically, I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin, and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care._

"Well now that's just entirely unfair. Not everybody in Slytherin are evil. There are some Slytherins who don't dabble in the dark arts. For one, Merlin was a Slytherin. And Peter Pettigrew was in Gryffindor." Arthur said.

_Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders._

_Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?_ _Anyway, it is time for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions Professor, Mr. Severus Snape._

_Ron: Ah man, not Snape, I hoped they fired that guy._

_Ginny: Why, what's wrong with Professor Snape?_

_Ron: Ah nothing, he's just, uh, evil._

_At that moment a man wearing black robes, gloves and a black wig walks on stage with a ridiculous facial expression._

All the children exploded into peals of laughter while Snape looked on in horror at the actor on the stage.

_Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad._

_Snape: Harry Potter, detention._

_Harry: What?_

_Snape: For talking out of turn._ _Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop-quiz. Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger…_

_Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones that touch it to anywhere in the globe decided upon by the enchanter._

_Snape: Oh very good…now can anyone tell what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?_

_Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point is mentioned early in the story to return later in a more significant way._

"Joe Moses plays Snape a little bit out of character because he would never call on Hermione. Hermione, however, played by Bonnie Gruesen is probably the most accurate. Well, other than Lauren Lopez as Draco, of course." Arthur said thoughtfully.

_Snape: Perfect!_

_Ron: What's a Portkey again? I missed that one._

_Hermione: Oh, a Portkey is something that-_

_Ron: Not you, oh my god._

_Hermione: -when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere._

_Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any sort of seemingly harmless object like a football or a dolphin._

_Lavender: Professor, can like a person be a Portkey?_

_Snape: No, that's absurd. If that person were to ever touch themselves -looks at Ron-_

Ron turned as red as his hair as the rest of the children laughed.

_They would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux._

Dumbledore inhaled sharply causing everybody to turn to look at him.

_Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?_

_Snape: I'm not even going to tell you Harry, you'll find out soon enough._

"What does that mean?" Harry asked.

"A Horcrux is the darkest piece of magic a person can commit. And he," Arthur said, pointing to Voldemort "made 7 of them." 

All heads whipped around to face the pale, noseless man.

"How are they made?" Hermione asked quietly.

"Only those who are desperate enough for immortality knows how they are made. However, in my world many people have made theories on this. Not enough the writer of the series, J. K. Rowling, will release the information saying that it's too dark." Arthur started darkly. "At first it starts with performing the ultimate act of evil, and then you have to prepare the object. To prepare the object, after killing the person, some people believe that you have to eat a part of the person, usually the heart. Others think, you have to perform necrophilia on the corpse."

Everybody gaped at Arthur, who would want to do such a thing? 

"But, I think you just have to perform a blood ritual. After all, a horcrux doesn't leave a physical wound on its victim other than how they died of course. Take Moaning Myrtle for example, she died because she looked into the eyes of the basilisk but there was no physically wounds." Everybody just looked at Arthur feeling vaguely sick before Harry suddenly asked.

"Wait, Moaning Myrtle? I know she was killed by him but wouldn't that mean..."

"That the diary was a horcrux? Well yeah, it did have a piece of Voldy's soul in it. That's how Ginny was able to communicate with him." At this Ginny turned rather green and ran out of the room. "Dammit. I need to work on my people skills. Anyway, that is besides the point. The point is is that evil man made 7 of these things and his earliest murder was while he was still in Hogwarts. Though I don't understand why someone would want immortality. Sure it means that you can't die if you end up in a duel, but most wizards and witches live into their hundreds, like Nicholas Flamel. But yet, because Moldy split his soul so many times, he "died" at 55." Arthur concluded. Ginny came back in the room still looking slightly pale but otherwise fine.

"Now enough talk of the Dark Arts, let's continue with the musical." Dumbledore said, everybody nodded their heads in agreement.

_Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?_

_Snape: Oh no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know; especially you. Now, moving right along there are four houses in all: Gryffindor,_

_Gryffindors: Woo!_

Nobody cheered as they were still taking in all the information they received.

_Snape: Ravenclaw,_

_Ravenclaws: Ow!_

_Snape: Hufflepuff,_

_Cedric: Find!_

_Snape: What? And Slytherin._

_Slytherins: Yessssssss!_

_Snape: Now, traditionally points are given for good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor!_

_Gryffindors: What? Why?_

_Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat._

_Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione._

_Snape: Traditionally, the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup. However, this year we're doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Darks Arts, Professor Quirrell._

_A man wearing a purple turban and burgundy robes walked out onto the stage, it was obvious that another person was under the robes._

The children quietly snorted.

_Harry: Ow! Ah, ow!_

_Quirrell: The House Cup, a time honored tradition. For centuries-_

_Draco: Go home terrorist!_

Everybody let out surprised barks of laughter, the dark mood dissipating, before turning look at Draco curiously. Draco just shrugged.

_Quirrell: For centuries, the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition come from and what are the roots of the tradition?_

_Hermione: The House Cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts' students._

_Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question._

_Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor._

"Why does-" Ron started.

"Parody." Was the response.

_Ron: Thanks Hermione._

_Quirrell: As I was saying, when the tournament first originated, it was of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup, but would also win eternal glory._

_Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup or…no…like a Triwizard Tournament._

_Quirrell: Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament except no, not like that at all. There are four houses, how could it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?_

_Hermione: Well, uh, Professor, if I remember correctly, the House Cup Tournament was disbanded after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task._

_Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks._

"No, they don't. The Triwizard tournament is horrible." Hermione commented

_Hermione: No, I don't think you heard me,I just said somebody died!_

_Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points._

_Ron and Harry: Thanks Hermione!_

_Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age, you really can be a dumbass sometimes. Ten points to Dumbledore._

Everybody snorted at the Dumbledore on the stage.

_Quirrell: Yes, yes well, it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to-_

_Voldemort: Achoo!_

"Was that really just a sneeze?" Draco asked.

"I suppose so, imagine what would have happened if that actually happened? Maybe I wouldn't have had to almost die." Harry laughed.

_Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?_

_Quirrell: Wh-what? No._

_Dumbledore: I could have just sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving._

_Quirrell: No, that-that was simply a fart, excuse me._

All the children laughed at the fart joke.

_Voldemort: Achoo!_

_Harry: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Oh, Holy Jesus, oh my God…ow._

_Voldemort: Achoo!_

_Quirrell: I simply farted once more._

The students snorted quietly.

_Dumbledore: In accordance to the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion from every house will be selected to compete! So, Snape, will you do the honors for me?_

_Snape: Yes Headmaster. First, from the Ravenclaw House, Miss Cho Chang._

_Cho: Oh my god I won, I can't believe it y'all!_

_Snape: Next from Hufflepuff, Mr. Cedric Diggory._

Dumbledore and the Gryffindors bowed their head in memoriam.

_Cedric: Well, I don't find this surprising at all._

_Cho: I find it perfect, now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend._

_Cedric: I'm glad as well, my darling. –kisses her head-_

_Snape: Next, from the Slytherins, Draco Malfoy._

_Draco: Ha, ho! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, huh? I'm the champion this time!_

Draco flushed as red as Ron's hair as everybody else laughed at the character on screen.

_Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down you little shit, champion's just a title._

_Snape: And finally, from the Gryffindor House, oh my. Well, isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life…_

_Neville: If-if it's me, I'll just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now, for losing-_

_Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble, it's Harry Potter._

_Ron: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!_

"Where was this when I actually got called?" Harry asked as Ron looked away guilty.

_Dumbledore: Well, here they are folks, the four Hogwarts' champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately because the first task is in two months and it could be anything. So let's get to it!_

_Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!_

_Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Mal- hey…_

"Next, video?" Arthur asked getting nods in return.


	5. Act 1, Scene 4

_Ron: Harry, you've got this tournament in the bag._

_Harry: I don't know man, Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome…NOT! He sucks! I'm totally going win this! It's in the bag._

_Ron: Yeah!_

_Hermione: I don't know, Harry-_

_Ron: Oh my god, Hermione shut up. Why do you have to rain on everybody's parade?_

_Hermione: Because, Ron, this is dangerous!_

_Harry: Dangerous, oh come on, Hermione, how dangerous could this be especially for me?_

_Hermione: Well, you're not invincible Harry._

"He certainly acts like it." Snape snorted.

_Somebody died in this tournament._

_Harry: Uh, I'm the Boy-That-Lived not died. God. What's the worst that can happen?_

_Hermione: And I don't about that Quirrell character. You know first we resurrects some horrible ancient tournament and then he bumps into you and your scar starts to hurt and you have to admit there was something really funky about the back of his head._

_Harry: Come on, think about it, Professor Quirrell is a professor and who hires the professors?_

_Ron and Harry: Dumbledore._

_Harry: Who's the smartest, most awesomest, most practical wizard-_

_Ron: Beautiful._

_Harry: -beautiful wizard in the whole world._

"As much as I am flattered by this portrayal, please do not call me this." Albus said but twinkled his eyes all the same.

_Why, why would he possibly hire somebody who's trying to hurt me?_

_Hermione: Look, I mean, what about Snape?_

_Harry: Yeah, what about him?_

_Hermione: He's hated you for years! And he's hated your parents too,_ _Harry, everybody knows that, and he just so happens to pick your name out of the House Cup out of hundreds if not five possible Gryffindors?_

_Harry: Yeah, what a coincidence, we lucked out!_

_Hermione: No, Harry, I don't think it is a coincidence. When you defeated Voldemort you made a lot of enemies._

Harry sank further into the sofa.

_Harry: Okay._

_Hermione: Ones you might not even know about._

_Harry: Alright, let me get this straight: so you think this tournament is just one big ploy to try and kill me?_

"I realised this when my name got called. They make me so stupid in this." Harry mumbled. "I just wanted one normal year."

_Hermione: I don't know, maybe! Anyway, I just think it's dangerous and I don't think you should do it._

"I really shouldn't but I had to compete because of stupid magic." Harry groaned.

_Harry: Alright Hermione, if it means that much to you, I'll drop out._

_Hermione: Oh thank you Harry!_

_Ron: Wait, wait, WHAT? The House Cup? What about all the eternal glory you'd win? Come on!_

"It was amazing to have this kind of support like when... oh wait." Harry scoffed causing Ron to look away guilty.

_Harry: Hey, eternal glory, already got that. Besides, Neville will be a great champion._

_Ron: No, no, no. I do NOT want Shlongbottom to be my champion._

_Hermione: Look all you have to do-look! There's Dumbledore, why don't you just talk him now and tell him that you're dropping out?_

_Harry: Um, listen Hermione, Dumbledore and I are really, really cool, we're super tight,_

Dumbledore and Harry looked at eachother in confusion.

_I don't want him to think that I'm being lazy or being disrespectful or anything so can you just-why don't you tell him? Just tell him I wanna work on school or something. Alright? Hey, you've got this one. -taps her nose- You're the best._

"Harold, if you ever do that to me I will castrate you and feed it to Hedwig." Hermione promised.

_Hermione: Alright._

_Harry: You got it. Don't worry about it._

_Hermione: Dumbledore?_

_Dumbledore: Yes Granger?_

_Hermione: Um, I need to talk to you for a moment. It's about the, uh, House Cup Tournament. Um, well, first of all I think it's an awful idea but, um, second of all I don't think that Harry Potter should compete._

"Ha, tell that to Barty Crouch Sr. I never wanted to compete in the stupid tournament anyway. Let other people be the heroes." Harry said.

_Dumbledore: Granger, why do you always have to be such a big stick in the mud, huh? Pray tell, me why Harry Potter should not compete?_

_Hermione: Well, uh, because he wants to study._

_Dumbledore: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you._

_Hermione: Uh, okay, well, he wants to focus on the OWLs._

_Dumbledore: Why couldn't Harry have told me this himself? He thinks I'm cool, we're tight!_

"Are we? I don't ever remember this being a thing." Harry asked.

_Hermione: Professor, I'm a really bad liar, okay? I-I think it's a ruse, a set-up and I even think that Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.  
_

_Dumbledore: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met._

Severus looked flustered as the students all promptly gagged at the thought of Snape being 'sexy'.

_Severus Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just about as much as he's trying to kill me, huh?_

_Snape: Oh why Professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this delicious sandwich. [it's a bomb sandwich]_

_Dumbledore: Why thank you Severus! You see Granger, how thoughtful._

_Snape: Here you are Professor, bomb appeti- I mean, bon appetite. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. –sandwich starts ticking-_

The students started giggling madly at the sounds the musical Snape was making.

_Hermione: Um, is that sandwich ticking?_

_Dumbledore: It looked like it's licking, finger-licking good._

"I am quite clueless in this musical, aren't I?" Dumbledore said.

_Hermione: Professor, I don't think you should eat that sandwich._

_Dumbledore: Why, Granger, you should listen to Snape more often you might even get a sandwich out of it. I don't know. Granger, what the hell-GRANGER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?_

_BOOM!_

_You dog gone exploded my sandwich!_

_Hermione: I'm sorry sir!_

_Dumbledore: Hey, even if I did believe Harry Potter was in danger he has to compete. You see that Cup?_

_Hermione: Yes!_

_Dumbledore: It's enchanted. Whosever name comes out of the Cup has to compete or the results would be bad._

_Hermione: What do you mean bad?_

_Dumbledore: Well…try to imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light._

_Hermione: A total platonic reversal!_

"A what?" All the wizard raised children asked.

"No idea." Hermione replied. 

Everybody gaped at Hermione, she doesn't know something!

 _Dumbledore: Yeah, so you see, he has to compete and Hermione, if it makes you feel any better the last guy to die in the tournament was a Hufflepuff_ _so, um, I'll keep my eyes open and nothing's gonna get past old Dumbledore._

_Hermione: Alright._

_Dumbledore: I gotta go make myself another sandwich, though I don't know how it's going to be as good as the last one. The last one ticked!_

_Hermione: Because it was a bomb… Harry, I'm so sorry but I think you're going to have to compete in the House Cup Tournament but don't worry! I won't rest until I find out what the first task is._

_Ron: And I'll sabotage all the other champions so you win by default._

_Harry: Alright, you guys are awesome._

"You guys are awesome, really." Harry agreed.

_Draco: Well, isn't this touching?_

Everybody had already established that Malfoy was going to be dramatic but had no idea that this would happen so laughed at the image of Malfoy being carried by Goyle.

_Ron: Oh my god, just butt out Malfoy!_

_Draco: Goyle and I have a bet you know. He says you won't last five minutes in this tournament. I disagree. I say you won't last five minutes at Pigfarts._

_Harry: What? Alright, Malfoy, what is Pigfarts?_

_Draco: Oh, never heard of it? Huh, figures, famous Potter doesn't even know about Pigfarts._

_Harry: Malfoy, don't act like you don't wanna talk about it. That's like the ninth time you've mentioned Pigfarts. What's Pigfarts?_

All the children leaned forward in their seats curious to find out what Pigfarts is.

_Draco: Pigfarts is only the greatest Wizarding School in the galaxy. It's where I'm being transferred next year._

_Hermione: Malfoy, I've never heard of that._

_Draco: That's because Pigfarts is on Mars._

They then all moaned at the realisation that Pigfarts was fake.

_Harry: You know Malfoy, we're trying to have a conversation here so can you just leave us alone?_

_Draco: No, no, I'm not even here._

_Harry: Anyway, I think I know how we can find out what the first task is from Dumbledore-_

_Draco: Dumbledore! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar._

_Goyle: Rumbleroar!_

_Harry: Anways, as I was saying, we-_

_Draco: Rumbleroar's the Headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion. Who can talk._

_Harry: Malfoy, if you don't mind, we're trying to have a conversation here. What, you're not even eating, get out of here._

_Draco: I can't help it if we can hear everything you say; we're the only ones in here._

_Harry: Just, c'mon Malfoy, just get out of here please?_

_Draco: Where are supposed to go?_

_Harry: Uh, I don't know, uh, Pigfarts?_

"God, that was so lame." Harry groaned as he slapped his forehead.

_Draco: Ha ha ha, ha ha, now you're just being cute. I can't go to Pigfarts, it's on Mars. You need a rocket ship. Do you have a rocket ship Potter? I bet you do._

"What's a rocket ship?" Draco asked.

"Something that the Muggles invented back in the 60's, helped us get onto the moon. There was like a race thing between America and Russia, sorry, the Soviet Union, America got there first and planted a flag on it." Hermione answered.

_Look at this! Look at this. Look at it, Rocketship Potter! Oh, oh, Starkid Potter!_ _Moonshoes Potter, traversing the galaxy for intergalactic travels to Pigfarts._

"Isn't Starkid the people who made this?" Ginny asked.

"Yep." Replied Arthur.

_Harry: Alright, that's it, this is the most misguided way to try and make me feel jealous. I don't care if you make fun of me, but if you bring my parents into this it's a whole other story._

_Draco: Whoa, not's so fast Potter! Crabbe! Goyle!_

_Harry: Oh, sure just-_

_Goyle: Back off nerd!_

_Harry: Whoa, whoa, scary, scary!_

"Well, he can be a bit weird sometimes." Draco said. "But he's not scary."

_Draco: Not's so tough now are you Potter? Maybe you should hang out with someone better than that lollygagging ginger and his stupid Mudblood girlfriend._

Hermione jumped up from her seat walked over to Draco and promptly slapped him in the face.

"Hey! No fighting guys, good hit though Hermione." Arthur intervened.

"Sorry and thanks." Hermione smiled at Arthur and headed back to her seat, not without glaring at Malfoy.

_Hermione: Oh, that is it Malfoy! Jelly-Legs Jinx!_

_Draco: Oh come on!_

_Goyle: Hey, no fair, our legs are jelly!_

_Hermione: Take it back Malfoy._

_Draco: Take what back?_

_Hermione: Take back what you said about your stupid made-up space school!_

_Ron: Yeah and all that stuff about Hermione being my girlfriend that's not even a little bit true._

Harry raised his eyebrow at Ron who turned away blushing causing Harry to smirk.

_Hermione: And say you're sorry for calling me a You-Know-What._

_Draco: I'm sorry!_

_Hermione: And you promise you'll never do it again?_

_Draco: I promise!_

_Hermione: Alright. Now next time we tell you to leave us alone you better do it. Come on Harry, Ron, let's get out of here. Bedsides, you already ate all my lunch._

_Harry: Wow, thanks Hermione._

_Hermione: Yeah. Unjellify!_

_Ron: Wow, that was, like, the most badass thing I've ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it, though. It was like an outburst of pent-up aggression like RAWR, Hermione…_

"I remember third year. Merlin, was that such a satisfying crunch." Ron reminisced.

 _Goyle: Wow, that sucked royal hippogriff._ _We got beat by a girl, who is a nerd._

_Draco: I didn't mean what I said you know. Pigfarts is real. Am I, am I bleeding? Goyle._

_Goyle: -sniff- No._

"He really will obey anything you tell him to do." Harry mused.

_Draco: I thought maybe, maybe it was a little bit… Wow. I've never been pushed down like that by a girl. Maybe I shouldn't call her a Mud-whatever._

_Goyle: I can't believe I couldn't figure out the counter-curse was just Unjellify._

_Draco: Right. I'm not surprised. Come on, let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place._

"Wizards of Waverley Place? What sort of garbage is that?" Draco asked.

"It's a TV show from 2007... it was an alright show but I had more things to be obsessed with when I was 8, like Power Rangers." Arthur said. "Anyway, next one!"


	6. Act 1, Scene 5

_Quirrell: Fools! They're all fools. They think they're safe, they think they're back for another fun year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger that's lurking right under their noses or should I say on the back of their heads?_

_Voldemort: -coughs- I can't breathe in that damn turban._

"What is this?!" Voldemort boomed, quickly drawing his wand as he shot out of his chair and pointed it at Arthur, startling the children into drawing their own.

"It's you, you're being performed by a muggle called Joe Walker, who is an angel." Arthur responded casually. "You can try and hex or curse me, it won't work."

Voldy let out a growl and yelled, " _Crucio!"_

To all Hogwarts students and alumni surprise, nothing happened.

Arthur laughed. "You really thought that you could curse me? Do you not think that I would have planned for that? This universe doesn't have any magic, you've all been reduced to Squibs."

"What do you mean.."

"How did you do that?"

"Oh no!"

"Are we going to stay like this forever?"

"Don't worry, I'm not cruel. I'm just smart. I knew that an outburst would happen at some point so preparations were made. You will all get your magic back once I send you to your universe." Arthur shrugged. "But watching musicals is supposed to be a fun experience, let's not ruin this by breaking out into fights to determine who has the bigger wand."

_Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, it's a necessary precaution, for if they knew that you lived, that when Harry Potter destroyed you, your soul lived on._

_Voldemort: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the Forbidden Forest, eating bugs and mushrooms and, ugh, unicorn blood._

_Quirrell: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul._

_Voldemort: Yes, nobody must know any of that. Now, Quirrell, get me some water. Now Quirrell, pour it my mouth._

The students laughed at Quirrells useless attempt at watering the Dark Lord.

_Quirrell: You're plan to infiltrate Hogwarts on the back of my head is going swimmingly my liege._

_Voldemort: Yes, yes, yes, I'm done with the water. We must not have any more foul-ups like tonight in the Great Hall._

_Quirrell: I'm sorry my Lord, you sneezed._

_Voldemort: I know that! Get me some Nasonex you swine! Wash that turban, it tickles my nose._

Voldemort scowled as the children laughed at the musical Voldemort.

_Quirrell: Yes, my Dark King._

_Voldemort: Okay, just relax with the Dark King, okay? I watch you wipe your butt daily._ _You can call me Voldemort, we're there. We've reached that point._

_Quirrell: Yes, yes my-Voldemort._

"You have to admit that they make a pretty cute couple." Ginny said causing Draco, Harry and Ron to look at her weirdly.

_Voldemort: Now Quirrell, get us ready for bed. We must be well rested if we wish to kill Potter. Tonight in the Great Hall, he was so close! I could've touched him._ _Revenge is at my fingertips, Quirrell. I can taste it…it tastes like cool mints._

_Quirrell: That's our Listerine, Voldemort._

_Voldemort: Yes, excellent. Well, goodnight Quirrell._

_Quirrell: Goodnight._

_Voldemort: Okay, okay, I can't do this. We gotta roll over, I can't sleep on my tummy._

_Quirrell: I always sleep on my back; I have back troubles. It's the only way I'm comfortable._

_Voldemort: You roll over right now or I'll…I'll eat your pillow! You'd be having a dream that you're eating a giant marshmallow but really you'll wake up and your favorite goose feather pillow will be missing._

_Quirrell: Fine we'll compromise; we'll sleep on our side._

_Voldemort: Okay, I guess I can do this._

_Quirrell: Now, goodnight._

_Voldemort: Goodnight Quirrell… Hey Quirrell?_ _How long have those robes been on that chair?_

_Quirrell: I think they're from last night, I just put them there for now._

_Voldemort: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? What's your plan for these?_

_Quirrell: I figured I'd just leave them there for now and maybe put them away in the morning, okay?_

_Voldemort: Ah, no! No, no that's not okay!_ _I can't go to sleep knowing there are dirty clothes on that chair. The chair's gonna start smelling like dirty clothes._

"Huh, who knew that Tom could be such a clean freak." Harry stated causing Voldy to glare at him.

_Quirrell: Look, I promise I'll put them away in the morning._

_Voldemort: You put them away right now! I command you to get up and fold them at least! Make it into a neat pile._

_Quirrell: Look, if we're going to be in this situation for a while we're going to have to learn to live with each other. Now I've been single for all my life and I have some habits, and sometimes I leave laundry around._

_Voldemort: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their place, and so do. Your. Clothes! Namely, a dresser!_

"God, you sound like my mum!" Ron moaned.

_Quirrell: Well, aren't we an odd couple? (singing) You won't sleep on your tummy._

_Voldemort: You won't sleep on your back._

_Both: We're quite the kooky couple you'll agree._

_Quirrell: We share some hands and fingers._

_Voldemort: And yet the feeling lingers._

_Both: We're just about as different as anyone can be._

_Voldemort: You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill._

_Quirrell: You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill! Sipping tea by the fire is swell._

_Voldemort: Pushing people in is fun as well. I like folding all of my ties._

_Quirrell: And you have no friends, hey, that's a surprise._

Everybody barked out a laugh at Quirrell's daring to back talk Mouldy.

_Both: As anyone can see when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can be._

_Voldemort: You're a sissy, a twat, a girl! I'm the darkest of Lords._

_Quirrell: I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards!_

_Voldemort: My new world's about to unfold._

_Quirrell: You got beat by a two year old._

_Voldemort: I'll kill him this time through and through._

_Quirrell: Or you just might give him another tattoo._

_Both: We really must agree when you look at you and me, we're different, different as can-_

_Voldemort: I'll rise again and I'll rule the world! But you must help me renew. For when our plan succeeds._

_Quirrell: Prevails!_

_Voldemort: Part of that world goes to you._

"Aw, that's so cute!" Ginny squealed causing everybody to turn to her with looks of mild disgust.

"What? It is cute." Ginny answered the stares undeterred.

_Quirrell: When I rule the world, I'll plant flowers!_

_Voldemort: When I rule the world I'll have snakes._

_Quirrell: And Jane Austen novels!_

_Voldemort: And goblins and werewolves, a fleet of Dementors and giants and threstals and all my Death Eaters!_

_Both: When I rule the world! –evil laughter-_

"Okay, so that was disturbing. Next one!" Harry stated.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [When God Pulls You Out Of Reality To Watch A Musical](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26264299) by [citrus_boots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/citrus_boots/pseuds/citrus_boots)




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